


five lovers aizen sousuke never had...

by keircatenation



Series: friendship and spite [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe, Other, and how RPF is all about fictional people, and the tendency to write stories about celebrities, discussions of RPF, other characters discussed: Kuchiki Byakuya; Zaraki Kenpachi; Ukitake Juushirou; Kyouraku Shunsui, which may or may not be factual or based in fact, who are built out of the glimpses of real people that we're afforded by the media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-18 08:52:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15482163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keircatenation/pseuds/keircatenation
Summary: ...and one he maybe sort of has, if you squint.To write stories about one's heroes is human nature, even for members of a paramilitary organization consisting of dead people. AKA: shinigami write RPF about their taichous and fukutaichous, and the trick is to separate out the fiction from the facts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Discussed pairings: Kuchiki Byakuya/Aizen Sousuke, Zaraki Kenpachi/Aizen Sousuke, Shihouin Yoruichi/Aizen Sousuke, Ukitake Juushirou/Kyouraku Shunshi/Aizen Sousuke, Yamada Seinosuke/Aizen Sousuke. These pairings aren't true in the universe, but some people obviously find the real relationships compelling enough to think about what would happen if...
> 
> This all started in a discussion with [komiv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/komiv/pseuds/komiv) about shinigami cultural shenanigans, and I, of course, couldn't get the idea of shinigami RPF out of my head. Especially with how powerful the taichous and fukutaichous are, I'm sure there's lots of stories going around about them all. And I've definitely been working out how people see Aizen Sousuke in this universe, which is why all the pairings are centered around him. (Don't worry, he might be a bit of a shinigami RPF bicycle, but there's also fic written that *gasp* doesn't have him in it (!) as well.)
> 
> friendship & spite note: this AU is canon-divergent with non-canon worldbuilding. See series description for details.

1 - Kuchiki Byakuya

Paperwork was always a bitch. Long hours squinting at shitty handwriting, and hunching over his desk until he’s got a tension headache for his tension headache. Give Renji a mission to chop down Hollows any day. If it wasn’t for Kuchiki Byakuya, Renji would have joined the Ninth, who at least got to get out of the barracks and patrol the Seireitei.

...Then again, they also had to process the paperwork and mission reports of every _other_ division as well, so it’s probably better that Hisagi was Muguruma-taichou’s fukutaichou and not Renji.

At least there was always a light on in the kitchen of the Sixth Division barracks, since the entire division had to be night owls to do all their work. No one was there as Renji ambled in, but there was a kettled of boiled water for tea and a book laying on the counter next to the cupboard of tea.

Renji got out the cheapest and most caffeine-rich brand of tea bags, put two in one large mug, and filled the mug with hot water. He shook the kettle; enough water for at least one more person to use, which means he didn’t have to refill it and reheat it.

While waiting for his tea to brew, Renji’s eye caught on the book left on the counter. It was a common paperback, bound in a pastel pink paper that was heavier than the thin rice paper used inside. _Cherry Blossom Beloveds, volume 18_ , read the kanji on the cover. Renji raised his eyebrows and huffed in amusement. Sounded like romance novel schlock, like the books Rukia hid in her closet and pretended not to own.

Renji smirked a bit and picked the book up. Maybe this was something he could give her and tease her about...

> _Even the sky was crying._
> 
> _It was fitting, since Byakuya couldn’t find it in himself to cry at all._

Renji stopped reading and blinked. Surely he hadn’t read that correctly…

> _Even the sky was crying._
> 
> _It was fitting, since Byakuya couldn’t find it in himself to cry at all. It was a year since Hisana’s death, and he had spent all of his tears already. Now, the sky could cry for him._
> 
> _Byakuya tipped his face upwards, eyes closed, letting the rain hit his skin and turn into droplets that raced each other down his face, almost like tears. As cold as tears, as well. Or maybe that was just Byakuya himself: cold and empty, almost like the Hollows he fought and killed. There was a black hole inside him, threatening to open up and swallow him whole --_
> 
> _There were footsteps behind him, the sound of sandals splashing in puddles, getting closer and closer._
> 
> _Byakuya tensed up, one hand going to the hilt of Senbonzakura --_
> 
> _And then hands landed on his shoulders, warm and large, and Aizen Sousuke said in his ear, “It’s too cold to be standing out in the rain, Byakuya-san.”_

This was.

What?

Renji continued reading slowly, the mug of tea all but forgotten at his elbow in favor of whatever the hell this thing was.

> _Byakuya opened his eyes and tilted his head so he could see Sousuke’s face. “Please do not concern yourself, Sousuke-taichou,” he said with lips that felt numb._
> 
> _Sousuke looked concerned, eyebrows drawn together over wide, warm brown orbs. Not even his glasses were able to disguise his emotions, Byakuya thought faintly. So kind, so considerate. The warmth was so jarring now, when Byakuya felt frozen inside and out._
> 
> _“Should I not concern myself with my kouhai?” Sousuke said, using his grasp on Byakuya’s shoulders to turn him around so they were facing. “Even if you will soon be a captain yourself.”_
> 
> _“It was bound to happen,” Byakuya managed to say, voice dispassionate. “The leadership of the Sixth Division has been the domain of the Kuchiki clan for centuries.”_
> 
> _Sousuke’s hands moved from Byakuya’s shoulders to cup his face, one thumb swiping over Byakuya’s cheek. He closed his eyes, struggling to remain impassive and not sway forward into the contact. Sousuke’s hands were_ so warm _on Byakuya’s icy skin. It was so hard to keep himself from_ wanting _it…_
> 
> _“I’m sure you will do well,” Sousuke said softly, and Byakuya could only imagine what his expression was: tender and proud all at once, like when Byakuya first showed him Senbonzakura’s shikai release, and his zanpakutou became glowing pink petals that surrounded them in a deadly dance…_
> 
> _What Byakuya wouldn’t give to go back to that day, before Hisana and his new responsibilities, before his feelings for Sousuke turned from chaste to covetous!_

Wait. Was this… Was this really a story about Kuchiki-taichou -- and _Aizen-taichou_ ? As _lovers_? 

> _And Byakuya was only reminded of the impossibility of his feelings more today, the anniversary of his wife’s death, when he should be_ mourning _her dutifully, and not contemplating the_ warmth _of his mentor._
> 
> _He broke away from Sousuke with a soft cry, turning his back to the other man and bracing his hands against the nearby cherry tree._
> 
> _“I can’t,” he gasped, more to himself than to Sousuke. As if Sousuke would know what he was even talking about!_
> 
> _Sousuke’s hand fell on his shoulder, the warmth of his body heating up Byakuya’s back. “What can you not do?” Sousuke asked, voice so,_ so _kind and warm. “Please tell me, Byakuya-san. Whatever it is, I can help with it. Have I ever let you down?”_
> 
> _Images swam in front of Byakuya’s eyes -- Sousuke’s green-ringed hands as he healed Byakuya’s injuries in training and on missions, the hours spent reading together in Sousuke’s office as Byakuya sought help to deal with clan politics, Sousuke’s muscular form standing in front of him showing off a zanjutsu form -- and he clenched his eyes shut tighter. “You cannot help me with this, senpai,” he said softly._
> 
> _The warmth at his back increased as Sousuke moved closer, hands drifting down from Byakuya’s shoulders to his elbows._
> 
> _It was almost an_ embrace _, and maybe that was what made Byakuya whip around again, backing up to lean against the trunk of the cherry tree behind him. His hair stuck to his face, held there by his kenseikan and the rain itself, framing his wide slate-grey orbs. “I told you, you cannot help me with this, Sousuke!”_
> 
> _The rain muted sound around them, but the implications of Byakuya using Sousuke’s name so familiarly hung between them._
> 
> _Byakuya stared up at Sousuke, cheeks flushed a delicate pink, heart finally beating fast enough to warm his skin with the force of his passion._
> 
> _Sousuke looked slightly surprised, eyebrows raised and warm eyes wide as he stared down at Byakuya. And then his face shifted, eyes becoming determined, the corner of his mouth tilting upwards in what might be a smirk. He look a step forward and then another, until his chest was almost touching Byakuya’s. He raised his hand, brushing Byakuya’s wet hair out of his face, and he said, so, so tenderly, “Are you sure? Byakuya?”_
> 
> _Byakuya’s eyes fluttered closed as Sousuke leaned in --_

OH HELL NO.

Renji snapped the book shut quickly, not willing to read another word. That was --

That was --

He didn’t even fucking _know_ what that was. And now his tea was over brewed as well! To brew another mug of tea and risk meeting the owner of that _torture instrument_ , or to take his tea and go?

Renji heard soft footsteps in the hallway, and a high voice saying, “I just forgot my book in the kitchen,” and he was out the window in a flash of shunpo, over brewed mug of tea forgotten on the counter behind him.

 

* * *

 

2 - Zaraki Kenpachi

Yumichika had seen _many_ things in his life picking fights in the Rukongai, so it was a little disappointing that Insatsu was practically quivering with fear as Yumichika paged through the illicit comic he’d found in the twentieth seat’s room during inspection.

“You see, uh, Ayasegawa-san, uh, I, well, it’s just that, uh,” Insatsu stuttered. His hands were behind his back, so Yumichika couldn’t see if they were shaking or not, and his feet were planted shoulder-width apart, but that was just good posture when reporting to a superior.

And since Zaraki-taichou, Yachiru-fukutaichou, and even Ikkaku weren’t interested in doing any of this sort of work, that meant that Yumichika was it. That meant a painfully large amount of paperwork and yelling at the unseated ranks about pissing in public. Inspections were also painful, since they required walking around and _looking at_ what people who pissed in public thought passed as “clean and tidy” quarters.

Insatsu was still stuttering excuses, as if this was the first time Yumichika had found illicit comics during inspection. Just because Insatsu was the writer and not just the buyer didn’t make this unusual.

What was a bit unusual was the content.

> _"You need to do your work!" Sousuke shouts after Zaraki's back, waving a stack of papers. He marches after the kenpachi, continuing, "Unohana-soutaichou specifically assigned me to -"_
> 
> _He cuts himself off when he runs into Zaraki's chest. Sometime during Sousuke's lecture, his student had stopped walking and turned around, and was now staring down at him. Sousuke realizes how close they were, blushes, and immediately backs up three steps._
> 
> _He shakes his head to clear his thoughts (Zaraki-taichou does have a very nice chest, and the shihakushou is tied loosely enough that it gaped in the front...), and then says, "Unohana-soutaichou assigned me to make sure that you can perform your duties. That means, Zaraki-taichou, that you need to do your work, not just ignore me all the time!"_
> 
> _Zaraki takes a step forward, and Sousuke takes an unsteady step back. Another step forward, another step back -- again and again, until Sousuke’s back hits a wall, and Zaraki’s looming over him, hands braced against the wall on both sides of his head. Sousuke’s face burns again._
> 
> _"Who says I'm ignoring you, Sousuke-san?" Zaraki asks, leaning in so his nose was almost touching Sousuke's._
> 
> _Sousuke's mouth moves soundlessly as he tries to find something to say, but Zaraki had already plucked the sheaf of papers out of his hands and was walking away again._

Insatsu had given up on stuttering excuses, and was staring at his feet when Yumichika looked back up from the comic pages to check on him.

“...Is there any reason you chose this particular content to write about?” Yumichika asked, voice steady. It was the tone of voice he used on Ikkaku when trying to get him to confess to getting one of Yumichika’s uniforms dirty doing something gross. It made people think that he already knew everything, and was just giving them a chance to make things easier on themselves.

“The, ah, the content?” Insatsu squeaked.

Yumichika raised an eyebrow at him. “The. Content.”

Insatsu paled, and he dropped into seiza and leaned forward, almost descending into a full dogeza. “Please forgive me, Ayasegawa-san! I truly respect Zaraki-taichou, and I mean no offense for what I’ve written!”

...Clearly true, since Yumichika hadn’t meant to imply that the writer was _insulting_ their taichou with their writing. Maybe other members of the division would be offended on their taichou’s behalf, but Yumichika thought Zaraki-taichou would only laugh about it. He might be offended that Insatsu paired him up with _Aizen-taichou_ of all people, but Zaraki-taichou had some sort of spite contest with the other captain going on.

Although it didn’t quite seem as though that dynamic was what inspired this story...

> _“You can’t just run into battle without a plan!” Sousuke bites out, ripping Zaraki’s kosode and bloody shitagi apart to reach the jagged wounds left by the Hollow’s claws. His hands tremble slightly, not from fear but from_ anger _, and he takes a deep breath to steady them before starting to heal the wounds with glowing green energy._
> 
> _“Oh really?” Zaraki asks. “Everything ended up fine, didn’t it?”_
> 
> _“If you think ‘fine’ includes bleeding wounds on you and most of your team as well,” Sousuke snaps as the Zaraki’s wounds heal into shiny scar tissue._
> 
> _Zaraki’s deep chuckle makes him pause, even before the 11th Division captain’s hand comes up to close over Sousuke’s, holding them close to the stronger man’s wide chest. Sousuke lets the healing energy die, and looks up, only for his brown eyes to meet the intense green of Zaraki’s one uncovered eye._
> 
> _“Any shinigami who can’t survive battle with a Hollow doesn’t deserve to,” Zaraki says, his voice deep and his green eye intense, almost like he’s staring right into Sousuke’s soul._
> 
> _Sousuke’s fingers uncurl almost unconsciously, pressing flat against the broad muscle of Zaraki’s chest. He stares up at the stronger captain, eyes tracing the long, long scar trailing down the left side of Zaraki’s face a few times before he makes himself look away. “It’s not that simple,” he protests, unwilling to concede his point._
> 
> _“Isn’t it?” Zaraki asks. “It’s how Hollows live, so shouldn’t that be how we who fight Hollows live as well?”_
> 
> _It’s such a stark and beautiful philosophy, but it goes against everything Sousuke learned while in the Fourth Division. His work there had been all about administering medical attention and transporting supplies for the different divisions; there had been nothing there about the harsh realities of life on the front lines of the war against Hollows._
> 
> _Zaraki’s free hand rises in Sousuke’s peripheral vision, and a moment later large, rough, surprisingly gentle fingers brush against Sousuke’s temple. He looks back at Zaraki, who’s looking at the red blood on the tips of his fingers._
> 
> _When he notices Sousuke looking at him, Zaraki gives him a lazy smile. “Noticed you were bleeding a little as well, now aren’t you, senpai?”_
> 
> _Sousuke blushes, and jerks himself away, scowling. He turns on his heel and stalks off to supervise his recruits, one hand drifting up to heal the wound on his temple. And if his fingers linger longer than necessary… Well, that’s something he can keep to himself._

Yumichika sighed and put all the draft pages in one pile on his desk again. He looked up and pinned Insatsu with a look. “I have several questions.”

“Uh, ah, yes?” Insatsu looked like he was a strongly worded reprimand away from knocking his head against the floor in apology enough times to require transport to the Fourth Division.

“Has anyone else connected you to this publication?”

“No sir! I, uh, I’ve made sure that, uh, only my printer and I know and, uh, the printer is my sister, so, ah…” Insatsu trailed off.

Yumichika nodded. He laced his fingers together and leaned forward, bracing his elbows against the table. “Now, onto the _important_ questions. Such as _why_ you thought our taichou would be so subtle about flirting with someone?”

“Uh.”

 

* * *

 

 3 - Shihouin Yoruichi

> _Another mission, another corpse fallen at her feet. The faint buzz of adrenaline fades, leaving her feeling even more bored than before. Footsteps pound in the hallway outside: guards, looking for their missing lord._
> 
> _The lord that lies at her feet, gutted like the pig he was in life._
> 
> _She stays still for a recklessly long moment, eyes on the door, idly wondering if any of the guards will come in and make her night more interesting, but then the part of her that still takes pride in her mission efficiency urges her to move. Out the window, through the Zen garden, up the outer wall, and gone from the estate with only the lord’s cooling corpse to show that she’d been there._
> 
> _The trip back to headquarters is as dull and uneventful at it usually was. She almost wishes for an attack, just to make things interesting again._
> 
> _She approaches the Shadow Corps headquarters, easily circumventing the security measures meant to keep assassins out, and heads straight for her office. The sooner her paperwork was done, the sooner she could go in search of something to entertain her._
> 
> _Although, from the light on in her office, her night’s entertainment might not be hard to find…_
> 
> _She lands soundlessly on the sill of her window, crouching down like the cat her clan held as their emblem, and lets herself enjoy the sight of Aizen Sousuke slumped over her desk, head pillowed on his arms like he’d fallen asleep waiting for her. In the light of the gaslamp, he looks even softer than he does in the daytime. He’s not wearing his newly-won captains’ haori, which means that this probably isn’t related to the Court Guard, so she can take her time with him._

“Taichou, you have a visitor.”

Yoruichi rolled her eyes, not bothering to look up at Soi-Feng. “Tell them I’m busy with important paperwork.” _Meetings at Midnight_ was printed on paper, at least, so it possibly counted.

“Taichou, I _know_ you’re reading that stuff.” Without even looking, Yoruichi could tell that her _adorable_ little fukutaichou was trying not to glare at her. It was really very cute how Soi-Feng got angry at Yoruichi’s laziness, but would refuse to show it because she thought it was unprofessional.

> _She circles around her desk, footsteps effortlessly silent after centuries of practice, and sits down across the desk from the pretty captain of the Fifth. She leans forward, elbows resting on the desk. Closer, closer, until she can even smell the faint scent of sakura from his soap._
> 
> _Aizen moves in his sleep, turning his face a little further into the sleeves of his kimono, mouth opening to let a little sigh out._
> 
> _It’s surprisingly adorable._

“ _Taichou_ ,” Soi-Feng said, even more urgently this time. “Please.”

Yoruichi sighed and rolled her eyes, but finally looked up. “Who is it?”

Soi-Feng looked pleased to finally have her taichou’s attention. “Aizen-taichou, who’s here to discuss a joint investigation into…”

Oh, right, that. Yoruichi tuned her second out, eyes slipping back down to her book.

> _She reaches out, almost unconsciously, to move a piece of stray hair off Aizen’s face -- and then immediately yanks her hand back when he frowns and makes a snuffling noise like he’s waking up._
> 
> _When Aizen opens his eyes, she’s all the way across the room, heating some water for tea with a low level kidou. She isn’t facing him, but she can see him in the polished metal of her father’s sword hung on the wall a foot above her head. And even if she couldn’t see him at all, the soft gasp he lets out when he finally fixes his eyes on her blood-covered form lets her know he’s awake just as easily._
> 
> _“Shi--Shihouin-san!” Aizen exclaimes._
> 
> _She turns around, a seductive smile on her face, and purrs, “Please, Sousuke-san, how many times have I told you to call me Yoruichi?”_

Yoruichi snorted.

Soi-Feng sighed. “You’re not listening to me anymore, are you?”

Yoruichi looked up. Her fukutaichou looked annoyed, but there was a fond twist to her mouth that said she wasn’t _actually_ going to be sleeping alone tonight. Yoruichi shrugged and gave Soi-Feng a winsome grin. “Are you saying anything you haven’t told me before? Just send Sousuke-san in, Soi-Feng, and we’ll get it over with.”

Soi-Feng hesitated. “Are you sure you want to be reading, ah, _that_ when he… enters?”

Yoruichi gave her an innocent look, as if she had no idea what Soi-Feng meant, and her second just sighed and left.

> _Aizen blushes and blinks rapidly, and then shakes his head. “Yoru--Yoruichi-san, you have blood all over you! Are you hurt?” He starts to stand, and gets halfway there before she sweeps back to the table with a tray of tea, and lays a hand on his shoulder to urge him back into his seat._
> 
> _He goes so willingly, staring up at her, probably not aware of how his mouth was hanging slightly open. So young. So sweet. So innocent._
> 
> _Her smile widens a bit, showing a flash a canine before she turns away again, headed for the byoubu in the corner. She turns on the gas lamp on the wall as she steps behind it, letting it cast her shadow onto the paper panels as she stripps out of her bloodstained clothing._
> 
> _The choking sound coming from the other side of the byoubu lets her know that Aizen is very aware of how thin the paper separating them is._
> 
> _“Is there something you wanted, Sousuke-san?” she asks, bending over to untie the wrappings around her calves._
> 
> _“I, ah, I wanted to thank you,” Aizen says. “For the other day.” She’s sure he’s trying hard not to look in her direction. The bronze mirror in the corner lets her know that he’s not succeeding, taking swift glances at her shadow on the screens._
> 
> _“Is that so?” she asks, and deliberately arches her back as she straightens up to pull off her top. Her breasts are restrained by their wrappings, but they still bounce a bit with the movement._
> 
> _Aizen takes a sharp breath._
> 
> _She smiles in satisfaction, discarding all of her bloody clothing except for her wrappings and fundoshi, and slips on a clean yukata that she’d left out for herself earlier. She steps back out around the byoubu, head tilted to the side beguilingly._
> 
> _Aizen’s eyes are wide when he looks at her, and he takes a deep breath before saying --_

“I’m sure I can interest you much more than that book, Yoruichi-san.”

Yoruichi looked up and raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that, Sousuke-san? It’s just getting to the good part.”

Aizen Sousuke looked at the cover of _Meetings at Midnight_ and grimaced, and then he gave Yoruichi a smile that was sixty parts temptation, and thirty parts sly satisfaction, and ten parts the Nice Guy cover that he used around people he didn’t know. Probably for the bugs he assumed were planted everywhere. “How would you like to take a short trip into the sixty-eighth district?”

District sixty-eight. Seat of the Kawaguchi syndicate that stretched over districts fifty-nine to seventy-two. Impressive reach, impressive organization. Possibly run by an ex-shinigami, or maybe just someone who was good at pulling people’s strings. Either way, they made it difficult for anyone to move through those districts without at least nodding at them in deference.

“Alright,” Yoruichi said, setting her manga down. “I’m listening.”

 

* * *

 

4 - Ukitake Juushirou and Kyouraku Shunsui

It was mid-afternoon, so Mashiro was bouncing around the apartment on a sugar high and Lisa was hiding out in her private area to get away from the noise and the demands for a fight from Suzumehachi. Her room was barely large enough for her bookshelves, dresser, and a comfy chair to lounge on, but that was fine, because a) all of the Visored had rooms the same size and b) they all spent more time in the common areas anyways.

Just... not when Mashiro was on her sugar high. That was when Lisa admitted defeat and abandoned her comrades in order to read her porn in peace. There was a new volume of  _Shinigami Unrated_ out, and she'd heard that there was a short story featuring her old taichou's many talents, and Lisa couldn't wait to read it so she could bring it up at the most inopportune moment the next time she saw Shunsui-san. Since she hadn't seen him in about twenty years now, she figured she was due for another visit at any time, so better to stock up on anything she could use against him.

> _The captain's meeting runs long, which is tedious enough normally, but it's sweltering in Soul Society today, adding another level of pain to sitting inside in a shihakushou and haori. The windows are open to let in air, but the breeze is practically non-existent._

Alright, starting out strong. Lisa had no doubt that the hot weather would lead to two, if not more, captains stripping out of their uniforms very shortly. And, considering what Gin told her about the content of the story earlier today, Shunsui-san would be one of them. She wondered absently if the author would leave the hat on, or really take everything off.

> _It's all Sousuke can do to -_

Oh, it's another Aizen story. Lisa rolled her eyes. She didn't really see why everyone in the Gotei 13 seemed to have a hard on for Aizen Sousuke, but maybe that was because she'd seen him before he'd had his morning tea. Then again, maybe that was exactly why so many people were attracted to him - he showed most people more mirror than substance most of the time, so it was easy for random people to imagine him however they wanted.

Sousuke said this way was far more efficient than letting everyone see his real face, but that kind of dishonesty stunk. Lisa could ignore it, as long as he was honest with her, but Haguro Tonbo absolutely  _hated_ it. It was probably for the best that her Hollow didn't have to see Sousuke playing Seireitei politics. Absolutely  _no one_ told the truth enough to satisfy her when it came to the clans.

> _It's all Sousuke can do to keep still in the sweltering heat of the afternoon. Kyouraku-taichou's clearly given up on appearing dignified, and has removed his straw hat to fan himself with it, but Sousuke's made a reputation out of being as sophisticated as the shinigami from the Great Noble Houses, and he can see Kuchiki-taichou sitting as still as a stone out of the corner of his eye. Ukitake-taichou, all the way at the end of the table, also somehow manages to look serene, as if the heat is nothing more than a pleasant warmth._
> 
> _A bead of sweat slides down Sousuke's spine. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath of too-hot, too-humid air._
> 
> _"That concludes our business today. You're dismissed." Unohana-soutaichou's voice cuts through Sousuke's thoughts. Ah, he must have gotten distracted while trying to deal with the heat._
> 
> _Sousuke stands up slowly, nodding to the soutaichou. He pastes a pleasant smile on his face and starts to make his way out of the room, hoping that no one will stop him before he can get back to his quarters and dunk his head in a bucket of cold water._
> 
> _He makes it almost out of the room before Ukitake calls after him. "Ah, Aizen-san, a moment of your time, if you would?"_
> 
> _Sousuke bites the inside of his cheek, feeling more sweat slide down his spine, but his smile doesn't waver as he turns around. "Oh, of course, Ukitake-san! What can I help you with?"_
> 
> _Ukitake stands with Kyouraku behind him; the shorter captain looks as serene as usual, while the taller one looks as put out by the heat as Sousuke feels, even if he's stopped fanning himself with that hat of his._
> 
> _"If you would join us for some tea back in my division?" Ukitake says pleasantly. "There are some matters we would like to discuss with you."_

Lisa snorted out loud.  _Matters_   _to discuss_? Oh, please. Everyone except the protagonist knew what that meant in these sorts of stories, and even sometimes the protagonists were smart enough to realize they're about to trip into an orgy.

At least the writing so far was better than some of the other stories she'd read in this anthology. A full page of story to set up the plot, such as it was! Lisa wasn't really particular about her porn, but it was nice to see some care taken in the exposition. It implied that the characters would do sensible things like using lube later on.

> _"It would be my pleasure," Sousuke says, and the three begin the trip back to the Thirteenth Division. It's a long walk from the First Division, but they go slowly out of concern for Ukitake's health. The sun beats down on Sousuke's head, but he continues to make pleasant conversation with his fellow captains, even if he's dying to strip out of his black clothing. From the way Kyouraku pulls at the neck of his shitagi, he can't wait to be in private as well._
> 
> _Ukitake has a nice set up in the Thirteenth Division - his office opens onto a veranda that faces a small lake. There's even a hint of a breeze coming off the water, so the coolness Sousuke feels as he looks at the water might be more than just psychological._
> 
> _"Don't you have any sake?" Kyouraku complains as he stretches out next to the water on cushions probably kept there for this very purpose._
> 
> _"If you want to drink, you can go back to your own division," Ukitake replies primly, pouring tea for himself and Sousuke. "And wouldn't you rather be sober for this discussion, Shunsui-san?"_
> 
> _Kyouraku groans, but doesn't complain any more._
> 
> _Sousuke doesn't know why he's so attached to drinking sake; the tea that Ukitake pours for him is perfectly delicious. And cooler than he expects, even, although he should have expected a sophisticated captain like Ukitake to be able to prepare cool teas as well as hot ones. Sousuke hums, savoring another sip, and then he asks, "You mentioned matters to discuss, Ukitake-san?"_
> 
> _Ukitake shares a long look with Kyouraku, and then replies, "We have a certain, ah, personal matter to discuss with you, Aizen-san."_
> 
> _"Is that so?" Sousuke raises an eyebrow, glancing between the other two, a smile tugging at his mouth. "And what personal matters could two such estimable captains have with myself?"_
> 
> _Kyouraku heaves himself off the cushions and advances on Sousuke, only stopping when he's hovering over him, that ridiculous hat shading both their faces from the sun. "Don't play coy, Sou-chan," Kyouraku says, deep voice husky. "We've seen how you look at us during meetings. How many times have you thought about us at night? Alone?" He dips his head down to nose at Sousuke's ear, and Sousuke's lips part on a gasp. "Together?"_
> 
> _"Oh, don't tease him, Shunsui," Ukitake says, but when Sousuke looks over his eyes are focused on them, and the look is as intent as he's ever seen it._
> 
> _"Oh, but Juu-chan," Kyouraku says, and his tongue darts out to taste Sousuke's ear, "doesn't he react so well?"_
> 
> _Sousuke closes his eyes with a moan as Kyouraku's lips close around his earlobe and suck at it. He's only let himself imagine this a few times before, safe in the privacy of his rooms in the Fifth Division, and now that it's happening in real life it's even better than a dream. His eyes fly open again when a hand starts pulling at his obi, and his gaze meets Ukitake's cool green orbs. At some point, the older captain had rounded the low tea table and knelt next to Kyouraku and Sousuke on the veranda._
> 
> _"He really does," Ukitake says, smiling mischievously. "Now, Sousuke-san, shall we get these robes off? You looked so hot during the captain's meeting."_
> 
> _Sousuke wets his lips with his toungue, and then says, " -_

"FOUND YOU!"

The door to Lisa's room slammed open, revealing a sugared-up Suzumehachi. At first glance, maybe it could have been Mashiro, since the mask wasn't out, but her eyes were black and gold and the grin on her face was even wider than Mashiro's.

Lisa scowled. "Buzz off, I'm reading!"

Suzumehachi's eyes narrowed dangerously, and then Lisa was missing one (1) copy of  _Shinigami Unrated_  and the doorway was empty again.

Annoyance turned into anger and, as she ran out of her room after that little  _twerp_ , Lisa sank back in her mind to let Haguro Tonbo take over to pound Suzumehachi into the ground.

 

* * *

 

 5 - Yamada Seinosuke

The best thing about working in the Fourth Division's hospital, Isane thought, was the fact that she had an office with a door that could lock from the inside. Yes, she enjoyed her job and liked helping shinigami and the other civilians of the Seireitei heal from their injuries, but at the end of a twelve-hour shift, all she wanted was a bit of peace and quiet.

...And perhaps a bit of her guilty pleasure reading.

> _Aizen strides down the hallway of the hospital, unseated officers leaping out of his way. His face is dark and stormy, with no sign of his usual pleasant attitude anywhere. When he reaches Yamada-taichou's office, he slams the door open, making Kotetsu-fukutaichou and Misabi-san, the third seat, jump._
> 
> _"Sousuke-san," Yamada greets evenly, showing no sign that any of this is surprising. Maybe it isn't, for him. "To what do we owe the honor? No life-threatening injuries?" An inscrutable smile plays at the corner of his mouth._
> 
> _"Not yet," Aizen says shortly. Then he turns to Kotetsu-fukutaichou and the third seat, summoning up a pleasant smile for them. "Ah, Isane-fukutaichou, Misabi-san. If you would give Yamada-san and I the room?"_
> 
> _Kotetsu hesitates, looking back at her taichou, but Yamada nods at her. The next moment, the fukutaichou and the third seat are gone from the room, the door closing behind them with a click._
> 
> _Yamada shuffles his paperwork on the desk, acting unruffled. "Please sit down, Sousuke-san. I'm afraid I don't have any tea to offer you -"_
> 
> _Aizen slams his hands down on the desk, making the piles of paper shudder. "Don't patronize me, Yamada! You know exactly why I'm here. There was another incident in the second district last night, and another person died because of the experiments that have been going on in this hospital!"_

_Open Heart Surgery_ was one of several serial novels being published that were set in the hospital, but it was, in Isane's opinion, the most compelling. There was a plot concerning the theft and misuse of experimental treatments from the hospital, and during the course of the investigation, Aizen-taichou and Yamada-taichou have to confront their unspoken feelings for each other. Isane bought each issue as soon as they were published, and devoured each word. She suspected that the author was in the Fourth Division, because the hospital terminology and practices used were fairly realistic.

Of course, she knew that the rest of it was complete fiction, because Yamada-taichou was attached to his research and Aizen-taichou was attached to... well, everything that he did. But it was so interesting to wonder  _what if_ , especially with the taichous' oh-so-civil attitudes towards each other. Isane had spent enough time around both of them that she could spot when they were about to strangle each other, and that happened almost every time they spoke for more than ten minutes with each other.

If it was unresolved emotional tension instead of an honest dislike for each other...

> _Yamada looks up slowly, irritation finally showing on his face in the clenched jaw and narrowed eyes. "You know that I have nothing to do with that. That experiment was stolen from our labs and is now outside my control."_
> 
> _"That doesn't mean you're not being as helpful as you can be in the investigation," Aizen snarls. "You have been surprisingly unhelpful regarding the whereabouts of several of your seated officers, Yamada-san. Or, possibly unsurprisingly, considering the way you treat your subordinates."_
> 
> _Yamada stands up sharply, leaning in so his face is only inches from Aizen's. "Don't bring us into this, Sousuke. You're the one who left for the Fifth Division."_
> 
> _"Did you ever give me a reason to stay in the Fourth?" Aizen demands, brown eyes sharp and angry. He shakes his head and stands up straight; he didn't come here to throw stones, but it seems like he can't resist around his former superior. "But that's unrelated to the matter at hand. Yamada-san."_
> 
> _"Is it, now?" Yamada asks quietly, arching a brow in that infuriating way he has. "One would think it has everything to do with how you're approaching this investigation, Sousuke-san. Or would you accuse Kurotsuchi-taichou in such a way as you have me?"_
> 
> _Aizen shakes his head, though he's not sure what he's trying to deny. "Kurotsuchi-taichou must surely be guilty of anything he is accused of, and you know it," he murmurs._
> 
> _Yamada smiles thinly. "And yet." A dislike of Kurotsuchi Mayuri is one point they have always agreed on, even back when they were fukutaichou and third seat, competing against each other for power and prestige._

That was actually the truth. Both of them hated Kurotsuchi-taichou with a burning passion that they don't bother with for each other. Probably because Kurotsuchi was more of a monster than Hollows were, whereas Yamada-taichou and Aizen-taichou both had morals.

Either way, Isane thought that Kurotsuchi-taichou was likely to be the villain at the end of the story - and oh, how he'll hate  _that_ \- which was probably the best choice for the villain that the author could have made. Even if it meant that anonymity would be vital for the author's survival if Kurotsuchi-taichou ever got a hand on a copy.

> _Aizen folds his arms across his chest, fixing his gaze on the window behind Yamada's head. "My history with you has no bearing on the fact that it was your experimental treatments that have been stolen and are now killing people, Yamada-san."_
> 
> _"I cannot help the fact that those thieves stole my research material," Yamada replies heatedly. "If I could have prevented it, I would have."_
> 
> _"And the fact that your security should have prevented it means nothing?" Aizen asks, eyebrow raised. Yamada flushes red across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He bites his lip, not replying, and Aizen can't help but think that he looks... cute._
> 
> _Aizen looks out the window behind Yamada's desk, re-evaluating his thoughts. Yes, he's always known that Yamada Seinosuke is attractive, and that he likes the competence that he's shown as taichou of the Fourth and leader of the hospital. But it's been a long time since Aizen's been in a position to consider that sort of attraction to this man, and during the course of an investigation is just about the worst time to be thinking about it._
> 
> _And yet, when he looks back at Yamada, the man's eyes rest heavily on him. There's a -_

There was a knock at the door.

Isane glanced up from her book, frozen in place as if that would make whoever it was go away. If they can't hear her, that means she's not there, right?

Silence.

Good. Maybe that means whoever it was went away. Yamada-taichou was in a surgery at the moment, but third seat Misabi-san had been in her office when Isane passed by on her way to her own office after her shift was done. Misabi-san could handle about ninety percent of the problems that could possibly be happening right now. Short of a captain dying on the front steps of the hospital, Isane could  _and should_ keep reading her book.

> _And yet, when he looks back at Yamada, the man's eyes rest heavily on him. There's a tension in the air, tingling against his skin, and Aizen's reminded of meetings he'd shared with Yamada back when they were both in the same division. Working late, stressed about deadlines, it was easier then to overlook their rivalry and collaborate so they could both get more than a few hours of sleep before their shifts started the next day._
> 
> _It's the middle of the day now, so far from the lantern-lit hours after midnight in the Fourth Division fukutaichou's office, but Aizen's mouth is dry and he feels like he should say something, but he has no idea what._
> 
> _But Yamada seems to know, because he opens his mouth and says -_

The knocking was back, but it was less of a  _knocking_  and more of a  _pounding_ now. Isane growled and threw her book aside. She got up and yanked the door open, almost getting hit in the face with Misabi-san's fist as the third seat tried to continue knocking. Isane caught the fist, and glared at her third seat, daring Misabi-san to call her into working overtime.

"I, ah..." Misabi-san trailed off, wide-eyed at Isane's anger.

"If no captains are dying, I am  _not needed_ ," Isane hissed. "I'm off the clock, and I'm  _reading_." And with that, she pushed Misabi-san back far enough to shut the door. She'd apologize for her rudeness tomorrow.

Right now,  _Open Heart Surgery_  awaited...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the +1!

> _There's a deep intelligence in the Hollow's eyes, one that speaks of cunning and a dark hunger to consume everything in its path. Sousuke shivers unintentionally, watching as the great, hunched beast stalks around him. It's clearly chosen him for its prey - a wounded, tired, lone shinigami must be better pickings than anything else in the area._
> 
> _Sousuke clutches his blade tighter, ignoring the_ drip-drip-drip  _of blood running down his opposite arm, and prepares for the attack to come. His breath burns in his lungs and there's a pain in his left knee from when the last Hollow bashed into him, but he can't concentrate on that. If he does, he'll be distracted, and he'll fall. And he refuses to fall - not now, not for at least a hundred years if he can help it. He's only newly captain, and the Fifth Division cannot afford to lose two captains in as many years._
> 
> _The thought of his ex-captain distracts himself from the movements of the Hollow, so he only barely gets his sword up in time to catch the vicious downswing of the Hollow's claws before they can rake across his face._
> 
> _Up close, the Hollow's eyes burn with an intensity that Sousuke finds difficult to deal with. They're far more human than he expects, nothing like the dull instinct of lesser Hollows. And judging by the wild reiatsu pressing down on him, this Hollow has enough power to elevate itself above the heaving masses of less powerful Hollows._
> 
> _Enough power to challenge a captain-class shinigami, even if Sousuke had been a vice-captain only a year and a half ago._ _Sousuke's arms waver under the massive strength of the Hollow and he grits his teeth, telling himself to hold firm until he can successfully disengage._
> 
> _The Hollow bares its teeth in a predatory smile. "Getting tired, my little vice-captain?" Its voice is masculine, with an echo of a higher-pitched voice under the main tone._
> 
> _Sousuke scowls up at it and snarls, "Captain, thank you," before casting a fire kidou up the length of his blade and twisting to the side so the Hollow flies past him with burned hands. Sousuke shunpos back a few steps, regaining the distance any kidou-based shinigami prefers in a fight._
> 
> _The Hollow laughs loudly, holding its hands up to show that the burnt skin is already flaking off as new skin forms beneath it. "Clever, clever! But you've always been like that, haven't you, Sou-chan?"_
> 
> _Sou-chan._ Sou-chan.
> 
> _The last time anyone called him that was... Captain Shinji._
> 
> _Sousuke gasps, staring at the Hollow, and then screams, "-_

"Shinji, if you don't stop reading that out loud when I'm trying to work, I am going to burn it to ash, preferably while it's still in your hands."

Ah, the dulcet tones of Aizen Sousuke while filling out paperwork. Shinji snickered and slid into a more comfortable position on his pile of pillows, thumbing ahead to another passage.  _Heart of a Hollow_ was just realistic enough for the fantastical elements to be hilarious, even if the author had only a tenuous grasp on Hollow behavior. Whatever. That wasn't the point of the series, he supposed - it was how an Aizen Sousuke that was beautiful inside and out could fill the Hollow heart of an angry and possessive Hirako Shinji.

And  _that_ premise was so hilarious that Shinji just had to keep reading.

> _Sousuke weaves in and out of consciousness, aware that the Hollow is taking him somewhere, but too hazy to keep track of where exactly. The sounds of pursuit from the rest of his team die shortly after the Hollow takes off; it's clearly too fast for anyone but a captain to follow. The thought isn't comforting, especially once the Hollow tears open a Garganta and they leave the Soul Society behind._
> 
> _The Hollow's arms are tight around his body, but strangely gentle as well. Sousuke knows that a bridal carry is less convenient for a warrior to carry someone in than tossing them over the shoulder, but it wouldn't be as gentle on his injuries. Sousuke wonders why the Hollow even cares -_

"Ah, FUCK!"

Shinji rolled over, dodging a fireball. It flew over his head, singing a few hairs, and impacted against Kaname's door across the hall, leaving a dark singe mark on the white wood. Shinji eyed the destruction, and then sent Sousuke a petulant look. "Hey, Kaname-kun's gonna be on my ass about that later!"

Sousuke, the huge asshole, didn't even look up from the mounds of paperwork scattered around his travel desk. "I warned you what would happen if you kept reading that drivel out loud."

"Nah, nah, nah, ya said you'd burn the book in my hands!" Shinji protested. "Not get Kaname-kun involved!"

Sousuke finally glanced up, one corner of his mouth tilting up in smug satisfaction. "Why, Shinji, how was I to know you would dodge it?"

That was mean. And petty. And  _so_ much like Sousuke that Shinji had to smile (although he hid it behind his book, because he wasn't about to let Sousuke think his little trick was anything but unacceptable, because Kaname and Suzumushi were  _both_ gonna be on his ass about that door).

Shinji flopped back onto his pile of cushions, watching Sousuke's methodical motions as he worked his way through the stacks of paperwork. Pick up a sheet of paper, squint at the writing, make surprisingly cute noises of surprise and disgust at the quality of the calligraphy, put it back on his desk, pick up his own pen and make some marks, then place it on top of another, slowly-growing pile to the side. The only people whose writing Sousuke  _didn't_ disdain were Momo-chan, Unohana-soutaichou, and Byakuya-san. Maybe some of the other captains as well, but Byakuya-san had gotten Proper Penmanship drilled into his head by multiple noble tutors as a kid, Unohana-soutaichou was too terrifying to disdain, and Sousuke had taught calligraphy to Momo-chan himself.

Of course, even Shinji admitted that Sousuke's penmanship was very nice even at the worst of times, and then extremely beautiful at the best. Sakanade could be hypnotized into a trance just by watching the smooth motions of his brush as he worked, if she was in the right mood for it.

Sousuke continued working, ignoring Shinji completely. Or at least appearing to ignore him completely. It was tricky to tell sometimes, even for someone who'd known the asshole for as long as Shinji had.

_He wouldn't be able to ignore us if we climbed in his lap_ , Sakanade whispered at the back of Shinji's mind.

Shinji hummed in agreement. Very true. And it was the right time of day for an extended nap, sprawled out in a comfortable and warm position. Sousuke was a great space heater, when he could be persuaded to sit still with someone draped over him for a long enough period of time. It was easier to ambush him when he was already asleep, since Sousuke slept surprisingly deeply once he finally gave in to his body's needs, but maybe...

"How 'bout this," Shinji said. "Ya let me nap on ya, and I'll stop reading the fanfic out loud fer like..." How much amusement was he willing to trade for a nice, Sousuke-warmed afternoon nap? "...Three days. Yeah?"

Sousuke put down his pen and looked up, raising an eyebrow. "Fanfic?"

Shinji grinned lazily. "Yeah, the stuff they write 'bout us? The kids call it fanfic. Like, fiction written by fans?"

"Fans of... us?" Sousuke asked, but from the amusement in his voice it was more of a rhetorical question than a real one. He  _definitely_ knew the effect he had on people; Shinji'd seen him get his way with nothing more than a few words and a charming smile in the past. Heck, his effect on people was one of the main reasons why Sousuke hadn't been arrested yet and sent to the Maggot's Nest or had his execution ordered by Central 46 - he was too popular with too many people throughout the Seireitei, even if Central 46 clearly didn't trust him anymore after, well, everything.

"Yeah, so, deal?" Shinji prompted.

Sousuke sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, but then he moved his travel desk to make room for Shinji to sprawl out in front of him, his head in Sousuke's lap. Shinji grabbed a cushion to lean against (and his book) and scrambled over to lie down before Sousuke changed his mind. He wiggled around a bit to get comfortable, getting Sousuke to straighten his legs, and ended up sprawled over them on his front, head resting on a cushion beside Sousuke's left hip, book propped up in front of him.

"Comfortable?" Sousuke asked dryly.

" _It'll do,"_ Sakanade pushed out front to answer.

"Hm."

The scratching sound of Sousuke's pen started up again, but after a moment a large hand landed on Shinji's head. The fingers carded through his hair gently, the motions repetitive and consistent. Shinji meant to start reading again - not out loud! - but the feeling of Sousuke's fingers in his hair combined with the sound of his pen lulled Shinji asleep, surrounded by heat and the feeling of  _safe-warm-happy-keep_ emanating from Sakanade in the back of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go! Credit to cywcross's [Sight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1603463/chapters/3412571) for a bit of Sakanade's cat-like characterization. cywcross describes Sakanade as a sphinx in that fic, and it forever fixed Sakanade as being cat-like in my head.
> 
> _Heart of a Hollow_ draws heavily on the Beauty and the Beast kind of trope, with the added twist that Shinji and Sousuke knew each other before Shinji went all Beastly. There's a lot of ideas in there about Sousuke's love filling in the Shinji's Hollow, and eventually transforming him back into a shinigami in the end. (There are debates on whether or not this is a cop out; some people found Hollow!Shinji sexier.)

**Author's Note:**

> *throws confetti* shinigami RPF!
> 
> Note: Suzumehachi is the name I've given Mashiro's zanpakuto/Hollow, because canon didn't see fit to give her one.
> 
> So _Cherry Blossom Beloveds_ is popular because it's a slow-burn, emotionally fulfilling saga, and there's a lot of pining and UST and "training sessions" that end with the tops of their shhakushous off.
> 
>  _Punch Punch Fall in Love!_ is crack and as sugary as an eleventh division shinigami can write (which is pretty sugary, as long as you ignore the blood). It's based on the fact that Unohana-soutaichou ordered Sousuke to train Zaraki up to be Captain Material (or at least literate) once he became the Eleventh Division captain.
> 
>  _Meetings at Midnight_ is overdramatic, but in the _best_ kind of way, and even Sousuke has a bit of a soft spot for how the author portrays the political dealings in it, which are surprisingly accurate to the time period, which is right after the Visored Incident in this AU. Yoruichi, ofc, thinks it's hilarious that the author casts Sousuke in the "young, innocent love interest" category, since he's _older than her_.
> 
>  _Shinigami Unrated_ is basically an anthology of smut. All pairings welcome, no kinkshaming allowed. Warnings present on the title page of each story.
> 
>  _Open Heart Surgery_ is a casefic that plays on the dislike that Seinosuke and Sousuke have had for each other since Sousuke was the third seat of the Fourth Division, turning it into a rivalmance that was ~tragically split up~ when Shinji "stole" Sousuke for the Fifth Division. Isane likes it, and can't wait to see the thrilling conclusion to the investigation (and other things *wink wonk*).


End file.
